Unrestrained Hilarity of the Day!

Hat tip to Ma-at who introduced me to the link!


EternalFootman: 25g of wafers and 20mL of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of Jesus. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

LittleBunny32: if you assume that the material properties of GOD possess an infinite enthalpy, and obviously that of mortal materials are finite, then the transubstantiation process requires an infinite amount of energy and will freeze the entire universe. Alternately, if we assume they can be transmuted from the infinite creative capabilities (and energy) of GOD, then by combusting them we can receive an infinite amount of free energy and the catholic church is holding out on us

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I freaking love this time of year.
It's the only time you can bury a corpse in your front yard and nobody comments.

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That looks like a mosquito
I hate mosquitos
they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of nature

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And my favourite (from the 'Top 50 Favourites' section)

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car"